"FFVIII! The Musical" - a set of Final Fantasy VIII song parodies by sarahtheboring
1. "Time Compression" ("Time Warp", from Rocky Horror Picture Show)
Squall:
We were fighting
That chick Adel
Then she
Took control
She mutated
Rinoa:
Into Ultimecia
Squall:
Now they're
On a roll
She began the
Time compression
Mixing
Lives in a whirl
Now we're endlessly falling
And the party is calling:
All:
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
Dr. Odine:
Vell, ze past becomes now
All:
And the future is pa-a-ast
Dr. Odine:
It's ze sorceress trick
All:
And it's gotten old fa-ast!
Because it's way too confusing
The way it plays with your brai-yai-yain!
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
Rinoa:
They all blamed me
'Cause Ulty became me
It's not the same, see
I'm not the one
I spent half the time sleeping
And the other half weeping
With compression,
It's all done
Squall:
Now, you may be a whiner
Rinoa:
And your dad may be finer
Squall:
But together, we'll dominate the game
Rinoa:
Because I taught you dancing
Squall:
And you learned necromanciiiiing...
All:
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
Selphie:
Well I was running down the hall
Trying to find my class
I ran into this guy
With the cutest ass!
He knocked me over, but it wasn't bad
He had a cool gunblade and an awesome dad!
I tagged along and we had a blast
But that's all future - or is it past?
All:
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
Dr. Odine:
Vell, ze past becomes now
All:
And the future is pa-a-ast
Dr. Odine:
It's ze sorceress trick
All:
And it's gotten old fa-ast!
Because it's way too confusing
The way it plays with your brai-yai-yain!
It's Time Compression again!
It's Time Compression again!
2. "Instructor Trepe" ("Mrs. Robinson", Simon & Garfunkel)
(The Trepies' Song)
And here's to you, fair Instructor Trepe
Why you end up single, we don't know
Whoa whoa whoa
Our favorite SeeD, dear Instructor Trepe
The Trepies gather, more and more each day
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
We wish we knew just what it was that makes our Quistis cool
We wish we knew to try it out ourselves
With her brains and attitude, enforcing all the rules
And let's not forget her taste in weaponry
And here's to you, fair Instructor Trepe
Why you end up single, we don't know
Whoa whoa whoa
Our favorite SeeD, dear Instructor Trepe
The Trepies gather, more and more each day
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Visiting the infirmary to pick up no-good Squall
We know you can get better boyfriends...
Between the fan club and the eligible SeeDs
Tripping over themselves just to get to you
Good luck to you, our Instructor Trepe
Why you end up single, we don't know
Whoa whoa whoa
Our favorite SeeD, dear Instructor Trepe
The Trepies gather, more and more each day
Hey hey hey
Hey hey hey
Going on adventures, it's a life we'd like to know
Instead of being stuck back here in school
Exploring continents and Triple Triad rules
All of us still dream we'll go with you
And when you're gone, leaving us behind
The Trepies hang around and wonder why
My my my
He'd best beware, Mr. Leonhart
If Quistis isn't safe, neither is he
Hee hee hee
Hee hee hee
3. "Fall Asleep and Dream You're Me" ("Dream a Little Dream of Me", the Mamas and the Papas)
(Laguna's Song)
You're comfy with your angst thing
Unsuspecting of your old psychic sibling
Someday you'll get a shock, just you see
Fall asleep and dream you're me
Jump into my lost romance
Yeah, watch me fail as I bungle my chance
But if I'd won, then you wouldn't be
Fall asleep and dream you're me
You tease me, and say I'm a moron
You try to resist
My faeries, while you and yours snore on
Remember this:
It's all this stuff that made you
My doofusness and all my mistakes too
So, take the chance and learn this from me
Fall asleep and dream you're me
You watch as your dad finally gets some
An Oedipal thing
You mocked from the future at random
Now hear me si-ing:
Admit it, I just helped you
Your psyche and the Lunatic P. too
So, stop your whining, and thankfully
Fall asleep and dream you're me
4. "All You Mortals Would Be Done" ("Walkin' On the Sun", Smash Mouth)
(The GFs' Song)
It's quite a job, we save the savers of the world
And make our places known in our mythology
And look so cool as we break out our power moves and
Hey ya know, it's a little dull but at least they set us free
But when there's an attack
Or they get hit from the back
Yeah, it's a given fact
That the Guardians will get sacked
And in the middle of a little bit of Interval fun
Here comes the call, and guess what all,
Looks like you'll be the next one!
So keep in mind, we are
The secret of your success
And though you may get the cred
Alone you'd just stay in bed
So next time you're in a fix
Try it without us, for kicks
Remember, son,
Withoooout us, all you mortals would be done
Back in the day ya know, they fought us and they got us
And we said it wasn't that bad and an honor, at most
Then we found out 'bout the Junction and our function and
Speeches were kinda off, truth is that it's suckin'
One day you're ruling, with the Siren sounds and hellhounds and
Next thing ya know, you're down to linking Meltdown
To some kid who'll call you in for every win
Because they're scared that the battle will mess up their nice skin
So keep in mind, we are
The secret of your success
And though you may get the cred
Alone you'd just stay in bed
So next time you're in a fix
Try it without us, for kicks
Remember, son,
Withoooout us, all you mortals would be done
(solo)
It's quite a job, to prove our power, act so mean
Or to fight against the sorceresses we have seen
But when the question comes up of who deserves the thumbs-up
Do they say it's 'cause of us? Oh nooooo, they never mention
Diablo's dark vice, Shiv's ice or even Odin's sword-slice
After all that we have done, you'd think it'd be nice
Tell the world the simple truth: without us you're lame
And we'll see who's always called the heroes of this here ga-a-a-me
So keep in mind, we are
The secret of your success
And though you may get the cred
Alone you'd just stay in bed
So next time you're in a fix
Try it without us, for kicks
Remember, son,
Withoooout us, all you mortals would be done
Withoooout us, all you mortals would be done
Withoooout us, all you mortals would be done
Withoooout us, all you mortals would be done
Withoooout us, all you mortals would be done.
5. "(We All Look Like) Freshmen" ("The Freshmen", Verve Pipe)
Our leader's sunk in his endless angst
And his girlfriend owes it to him that she's still alive
Now we're banded together and we're saving the world
Despite the simple fact that we can barely drive, now
Suspension of your disbelief
A demographic nightmare
Adventures of the adolescent
But then, most players don't care
In our stilted game
It's our only subtext
That maturity's for nerds
And to speak in single words
In reality
We'd be on WB
Never age, till the end
We all look like freshmen
They make Quistis the Mrs. Robinson at eighteen
Laguna's called "the old guy" when he's 29
And now some critics are saying, all this kid stuff's a bore
Forget the drama queens and all their neverending whine, they say
Suspension of your disbelief
A demographic nightmare
Adventures of the adolescent
But then, most players don't care
In our stilted game
It's our only subtext
That maturity's for nerds
And to speak in single words
In reality
We'd be on WB
Never age, till the end
We all look like freshmen
Hey yeah...
Although you may think that we're all wunderkind
It only gets worse from here in the ninth game
'Cause they've abandoned all hope of a story that holds
And pinned all their hopes on the twelve-year-old market, hey
Suspension of your disbelief
A demographic nightmare
Adventures of the preteen
But the players just don't care
In our stilted game
It's our only subtext
That maturity's for nerds
And to speak in single words
In reality
We'd be on WB
Never age, till the end
We all look like freshmen
In our stilted game
It's our only subtext
That maturity's for nerds
And to speak in single words
In reality
We'd be on WB
Never age, till the end
We all look like freshmen
We all look like freshmen
Your heroes all are freshmen...
6. "Selphie" ("Seether", Veruca Salt)
Selphie is perky all the time
Selphie is chirpy in every line
She has a very active bloodlust
She has the shortest skirt
She's usually first to hit the dirt, yeah
Can't stand that Selphie
Can't stand that Selphie
Can't stand that Selphie
It's not healthy but
I keep her for The End
Selphie is making fanboys cry
Selphie is hooked on yellow dye
She has Galbadia's favorite playboy
She has unlikely hair
She's in the game for her underwear, yeah
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie...
It's not healthy but
I keep her for The End
Watch this twerp
Bouncing along
Hear her chirp
With her ditzy train song
Now she may know how to play guitar
But she has bats in her belfry
In the fight she's useless, and by far
She's the new Cait Sith, it's
Selphie!
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie...
It's not healthy but
I keep her for The End
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie (Selphieeee...)
Can't stand that Selphie...
It's not healthy but
I keep her for The End
Yeah.
7. "My Rinoa" ("My Sharona", the Knack)
Ooh remember at the dance, at the dance
When you told me that I was fiiine, Rinoa
Ooh I thought I had a chance, I had a chance
When you pretended that you were miiine, Rinoa
Now you won't give up, always there
Always on my tail
Always needin' help
As we're hot on the sorceress' trail
My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-m-m-my Rinoa
Jumped in with your rebel friends
And killer dog
Had us try to hijack a train, Rinoa
And although I love ya hon, I love ya hon
Entering all those codes was a pain, Rinoa
Now you won't give up, always there
Always on my tail
Always needin' help
As we're hot on the sorceress' trail
My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-m-m-my Rinoa
M-m-m-my Rinoa, yeah!
(solo)
And when Ulty did her thing, she did her thing
Got her ugly claws in your miiiind, Rinoa
Yeah, you know you'd count on me, you'd count on me
'Cause even when it's evil, love's bliiind, Rinoa
Now you won't give up, always there
Always on my tail
Always needin' help
As we're hot on the sorceress' trail
My, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my-yi-yi, whoo!
M-m-m-my Rinoa
M-m-m-my Rinoa
M-m-m-my Rinoa
M-m-m-my Rinoa
(big guitar solo)
Oooooooooooohwhoooooa, my Rinoa!
Oooooooooooohwhoooooa, my Rinoa!
Oooooooooooohwhoooooa, my Rinoa!